|Written on November 4þ, 2016
Þe letter þorn (pronounced "thorn" for you buttheads) is an archaic letter of þe English alphabet þat made a monk's life easier by having to occasionally write one less letter in his words. When þe printing press came along, someþing someþing Germans didn't have þe letter þorn or someþing and used þe letter 'y' instead. Everybody knows German people are smart most of þe time. Þey didn't try to make þe Englishmen's problem more complicated by replacing þorn wiþ two letters.
Well, þe English made a dumb decision. When þey stopped using þe 'y' for "th" sounds and used 'th' instead; it was almost as if þey were afraid þat þe English alphabet had too many letters serving multiple phonetic sounds (which is in fact still a problem). Making 'th' mean þorn, did not solve much. Þe letter 'y' still makes multiple sounds including "yuh", "ee", and "eye". IT'S NOT ÞAT HARD TO LEARN ONE EXTRA LETTER OF ÞE ENGLISH ALPHABET! WE HAVE IT EASY COMPARED TO ÞE CHINESE! Seriously, I doubt it was þat hard to make an extra type block for þe letter þorn, and I highly doubt any of you have trouble singing þe ABC's.
Since we live in þe Information age, it has become so easy to quickly replicate texts in any language and in any alphabet, all þanks to Unicode. But what do we use þis technology for? EMOJIS! GOSH FORSAKEN EMOJIS! Despite þe introduction of emoticons, texting lingo isn't all þat bad. We can all agree þat writing '4' is easier þan writing "four". Academic scholars may disagree but "lol I luv u" is innovation... plain and simple innovation to þe English language! After all, þou no longer speakeþ likeþ þis. Þe English language has changed and subsequently improved since its birþ, and I find noþing wrong wiþ changing it even furþer! Texting lingo is probably going to be regarded as slang for a long long time. But before þat happens, let us all bring back þorn since it will sound more "academic".
Þe only obstacles preventing us from using þorn is our publishers, teachers, and employers. Oþer þan þat, no one is stopping you. Contrary to popular belief, þere is no official way to use English. Unlike French, we don't have a governing body þat makes laws on our language. Proper grammar only exists because most of us universally agree upon what constitutes "proper grammar". Þe Brits have different grammatical ideals þan þe Yanks and because of þat, we have British English and American English.